Challenges

Running is hard. Eating your veggies is hard too. Especially when you're pathetically out of shape after 4+ years of living in the library [code for not moving], are used to eating nothing but carbs, sugar, and caffeinated drinks, and would much rather plop in front of the TV to relax when you have a rare free minute than cook or exercise.

It was so easy during high school when you had those 2 hours of daily sports built into your schedule and home-cooked meals to look forward to when you got home. It's a whole 'nother ball game when you're working 9-5, have a social life, and find it hard to justify spending hours in the kitchen cooking for one. Welcome to my plethora of lame excuses that fuel my laborious evasion efforts.

Lately I've been feeling more and more of an urgency to reflect on my lifestyle choices and "grow up" and out of the bad ones. If there's anything I've realized, it's how terribly easy it is to delude yourself into thinking that bad habits don't have any tangible negative effects on your body. Its twisted and unfair, really. Nurturing our bodies should be our number one priority and so often we starve it of the use and nutrients it needs to perform at the level we demand of it.

But I've been starting, slowly & painfully, to incorporate exercise and healthier eating back into my life. And to be totally candid, it's really freaking hard. Given the growing obesity epidemic, I reckon a high percentage of Americans won't argue with me on that. It's hard staying motivated, it's hard to not see instant results, it's hard to make time in your schedule, and it's really hard changing ingrained habits.

I hear it gets easier, but right now HARD is the name of the game if you haven't caught on. And in the lovely world we currently live in, its pretty damn tempting to take one of the many easy outs available. But they say it's worth it here, and here, and well, let's be honest, we all KNOW its worth it. Its adding the doing to the knowing that makes the difference.

So in honor of making changes, I spent the morning with Michelle, Kels, Jules, Brian, and Bobcatt running a St. Patty's Day 5k along Crissy Fields. It was cold and early, but a heck of a lot of fun. Running along the water with a beautiful view of the bridge, dressing up in St. Patty's garb, being surrounded by happy runners and friends, and accomplishing something to be proud of [e.g., 3.1 miles in just under 30 minutes, woo hoo] just felt good. Good enough to sign up for another one and maybe even consider a 10k sometime soon.

A beautiful rainbow formed at the end of our race and though our legs were too tired to look for the pot of gold at the end of it, they did carry us to Nick's for crispy tacos and bottomless mimosas.

So here's to the hard times, pushing through them, accepting support from your loved ones, learning a heck of a lot about yourself and life through the process, and finding the moments of beauty and joy amidst them.

"To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift." (Steve Prefontaine)

"To succeed you must first improve, to improve you must first practice, to practice you must first learn, and to learn you must first fail." (Wesley Woo)

"Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein." (H. Jackson Brown)

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (Unknown)

We shall draw...

"We shall draw from the heart of suffering itself the means of inspiration and survival." (Winston Churchill)

Due to my dangerous tendency to over-plan, February has been quite a fun month, albeit not one very conducive to blogging. That and I just started the Hunger Games series. Which, for all of you who have not read it yet (and absolutely must), means my every waking (and half-asleep-at-2-in-the-morning) free minute has been spent doing nothing but reading and watching movie trailers. BUT I’ve been wanting to write this post for far too long to put it off any longer, so love triangles, oppressive governments, and fights to the death will have to wait until tomorrow.

When I look back at my life, I see a very normal childhood filled with sleepovers, Girl Scouts, sports, and two loving parents cheering me on through it all. I also see Scotty & I racing wheelchairs, nights doing puzzles in those extended-stay cottages at City of Hope hospital, and hugging my big brother Chris without thinking twice about his bloated face and bald head. He was diagnosed with leukemia when he was 5, a year after I was born.

Just as they do every time I sit back and reflect on Chris and his journey, a truckload of conflicting emotions overwhelm me. My heart breaks when I think about all the friends and adventures he never got to experience from the confines of his hospital bed, I shudder at the pain and nightmares he must have endured through chemo, radiation, and a bone marrow transplant – how confusing it all must have been to experience as a child, and I am absolutely furious that this cruel illness stole the opportunity of a normal life from him. But at the same time I am deeply humbled by his courage, I am in complete awe of the relentless fight he put up day after day, and I am grateful beyond words for the miracle of being able to pick up the phone and hear him on the other end 23 years after it all started.

A few weeks ago he was honored by the Santa Barbara Foresters Hugs for Cubs program and inducted into their Hall of Fame along with two notable baseball players. Though I wasn't able to make it back to Santa Barbara that night, all I can hope is that he felt overwhelmed with the love his friends and family have for him, how enriched our lives are by his presence, and that he will never be alone in his journey.

Working through how his illness has affected me and the lessons I've learned from it will be a never-ending process, but I do know that he has taught me what a true gift life is. Chris is a fighter, a survivor, and will always be my hero.

I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!
~Dr. Seuss